Mar 7, 2005

how to build a gingerbread house/ printerfriendly

About a week ago I googled frankenmonsterblog to see what would happen. And I found out that frankenmonsterblog was considered, among other things, simple, step by step instructions for building a gingerbread house. I was surprised by this as well as curious. So I typed in the key words how to build a gingerbread house, to see if this worked in the inverse. And frankenmonsterblog appeared. And it was ranked ninth.

This made me happy.

But not right away. It broke down as follows:

Upon first noticing that frankenmonsterblog was inappropriately considered instructions for building a gingerbread house (a better gingerbread house, any gingerbread house) it felt alright. It was alright with me, and I got on with my life.

But this became something more like ok with me as the day progressed.

Then I found myself to be pleased.

And then I laughed about it. To myself. No one was around to hear me. But, I promise you, I did laugh.

So it was around this juncture that feeling pleased became feeling amused.

Which ultimately led to feeling happy. Which, by the way, is a good feeling. (Tough to describe. It's kind of like a sense of well being or rightness with the world. It's fleeting, but can be accessed at later times in memory. But remembered happiness doesn't feel so much like happiness (in real-time), as it does jealousy (in real-time). That is, jealous for having once been happy/not knowing if you will ever feel happy again. All in all, worth the risk. I give it an 8: Happiness = OK)

So, naturally, I wanted to keep it this way.

Meanwhile, I should mention, I have no idea how my blog got confused with websites that are devoted to the subject of gingerbread houses. I understand there's an algorithm involved. But I've purposely used the words gingerbread house very sparingly in my posts. But whatever happened, I was happy about it.
Then, this morning, the worst happened: my google result for gingerbread house was gone.

And I want it back.

So, roughly six hours and forty pieces of notebook paper later, where I tried unsuccessfully to brake it down mathematically (then took a break to make a lasagna), then spiritually (because it's the opposite of math), which required trips to both the library, and La Boutica Religioso (where I bought a mess of candles, as they were having a sale), I finally enlisted the tarot (which, it turns out, isn't just another pretty card game, more on that later), and, NOTHING. No ideas. No way that I could find to get frankenmonsterblog re-associated with gingerbread houses. At least, in the eyes of google.

Then I thought of this:
how to build a gingerbread house


  1. Yeah, but... um... how do you build a gingerbread house?

  2. hehe. astroboy is funny. i know how to build them, though. it takes a lot of gingerbread.

    i'll admit now..though i hate to..that I want to add the same fraze on my site, as well. it's petty, so i won't do it, but i'm sorely tempted.

  3. astroboy, I do. But I REALLY know how to make a grilled cheese sandwich.. it's all about the butter.

    Blog ho, that phrase is pretty. I can see how it would mess things up over at your address. Of course, you could always change the name of my link in your blog to:

    "how to build a gingerbread house"

    instead of "Victoria". Just a thought..

  4. I wouldn't do it. I think it's the light blue that makes it so nice.

  5. Google needs to be taught a lesson, and you're the woman to school it.

    By the way, anything can be an action if you verb it.

  6. Good. I'll call it gingerbreading.

  7. Everytime I've tried to build a gingerbread house, it just ends up being a gingerbread shed...I keep eating some of the spare rooms.

  8. Victoria,

    You make me laugh so hard I cry. Seriuosly.
    I'm crying...right now.


  9. Victoria,

    You make me laugh so hard I cry. Seriuosly.
    I'm crying...right now.


  10. Victoria. Thank you. I really needed that today :)

  11. Lyv, you kill me. If I was left to my own devises, I suppose I would wind up with a shanty. Or a gingerbread lean-to..

    Smorg, about "Sniff":
    This sniff betrays something in the way of sarcasm. This scarcasm (though strained through cyber-space) leapt out at me from the screen and slapped me across the face. Still, I read your comment AGAIN (as it is posted twice, and I'm sure it's no mistake) and, yep. I got slapped in the face a second time. And, seriously, when I isolate the word "sniff", that is cover it up with my Hello Kitty eraser, the whole thing reads quite differently..

    Kim, thank you, but you should know that this really happened..

  12. LOL...
    I know how to build a house of that the same thing?

  13. I just wanted to say...I laughed at the thought of you covering up sniff w/ a hello kitty eraser. And I don't think sniff was sarcasm. I just don't.

  14. Thank you, Blog Ho. Sarcasm it indeed was not. I just felt that typing "sniff" was easier than offering a link to an mp3 of me sobbing. And, I too cracked up imagining you covering it with your eraser. Ha!


  15. Thank you, boabhan, and I think it is the same thing. Actually much more difficult (no frosting/glue).

    blog ho, thank you, and you're probably right. Probably. (If I knew how to italicize in comments, "probably" would be italicized right now).

    p.j. smorg, OK. I'm sure it was nothing.

    (insert elevator music here)


    Gotcha! (Pretend that sniff is italicized). Actually, smorg, I just want to say hi. I miss you. And I wish you posted more often..

  16. That's hilarious.

    One time I watched a special on gingerbread houses on the Food Network. It was about three in the morning and I couldn't turn it off. It was insane. There are contests, and it's like the beauty pageant circuit. There is backbiting and cattiness and cut throat competetiveness. Hilarious.

  17. aughra, I can see this, too.. something so darling and innocent (and ultimately useless) making people behave that way. That's so funny. There's probably ploting against the competitors, like that cheerleading thing a few years ago..

  18. So, how exactly does one go about building a gingerbread house? Now that my interest is piqued...

  19. Yes, yes, yes. This is all good and dandy. But gingerbread isn't really bread. You can't make a sandwhich out of it.

    Geesh, people.

  20. Y'v, it's only fun after the mixing of the cement like batter/baking is though. Then the glueing portion of project starts AND WATCH OUT this is SO FUN as there is no limit to what you can do. The glue, actually frosting, holds all the pieces together and the decorations (e.g. candies, gumdrops, etc) onto the house.

    On the subject of the eating of the gingerbread house:

    Not a good idea if it's been sitting around for the duration of the holidays collecting dust, and becoming stale/rotten. Still, it's done all the time. Mostly by children, who then have a tummy-ache that is almost as charming as the gingerbread house was, as it calls for Marry Poppins to arrive via her umbrella, apply medicine and sing a song about the gingerbread tummy-ache.

    AB, a turkey and cheddar with mayo on gingerbread would be bad, yes. A cream cheese on gingerbread, however, might be OK. Not the nutritional powerhouse of the former, but really, who cares about nutrition?

    NowI should mention that there are other things called bread that are IN FACT not bread. A tuna on sweetbreads, for instance. Never again, is all I'm saying..

  21. Don't get me started on bread pudding.

  22. Vic, you're brilliant.

    Now I want to go play the google game, or that pretty card game I haven't figured out yet.

    High 70's with slight overcast.

  23. AB, Right? Bread pudding. It sound terrible. Let's just pretend that we've never heard of bread pudding before. This is how it sounds:

    english muffin pudding
    spinach pudding
    steak pudding (though, in France..)
    wheat thins pudding
    popcorn pudding
    blood pudding (oh, I forgot..)

    And last, but not least (drumroll please):

    menstral pudding! (and if you think I'm gross and just made this up, then you haven't read ON THE ROAD, by Jack Kerouac)
    Thank you, I'm here all week.

    Wink, hey man, what's up with you?
    The tarot? WOW. Google? SUPER-WOW. Games not to be fooled with, Miss. Paint a cross (that's what Joanna would advise) onto these with nail polish before enlisting either (and she should know..)

    Mild, mid thirties (feels warmer) with wet snow. It's November, again, you might say, in fair Chicago..

  24. Now you know why advocate a all out rebellion. Storm the castle and throw their butts out. Jack Kerouac? I thought I was the only one that read the old shit. Do you know who Ernest Everhard is?

  25. A warm tingly sensation just went through me when I read "popcorn pudding". I won't say what went through me when I read "menstral pudding".

  26. It's been a week. Could you please favor us with a new post? I've missed ya!

  27. AB, they are BOTH gross.

    Kim, sorry, I blog less due to time. But I will have an update soon (job situation: purely informational/a dry, straight forward "snap shot" of some changes that are about to be put into motion. An FAQ. With bullet points. And a brief interview of me.. talking to myself.)