There is a spider in my house.
I thought it through, and I believe I am responsible for this turn of events. I disrupted the spider community, aka Spider Village, that had been established off in the corner of my apartment in what was referred to as Unincorporated Junk Town (also Junk Park or Junk Square). I was fully aware of the population of spiders in that corner. Likewise, they knew that I was as far away as possible, at a minimum distance of about two feet. Usually much more. And it was ok. Nobody ever crossed the borders. We had an unspoken understanding. We maintained a peaceful tolerance. But then I made the mistake of getting rid of that TV and all of the adjacent junk. I realize that the spiders had to go find other places to live. And I understand it was a tumultuous time for them. But I thought when I said, Spiders: go outside! Or, at least, please, go live in the stairwell.. that they felt that this was a reasonable request. Because I never saw or heard from any of them afterward.
Until now. That is. Until yesterday afternoon at approximately three fifteen.
I understand that this is quite alarming, but, please, do not call the police. I contacted the authorities late last night, and the agents that were dispatched to my residence have already briefed me on several methods I can employ to cope with the situation. And, I have to say that after a lot of breathing into a paper bag and the liberal application of vodka, I think I've got it under control.
Still, I'm afraid that this is only the beginning of a much bigger problem.
The reason I say this is that the spider has built not a web, but what can only be described as a cocoon around itself. And my instincts tell me that this is not good. Everything about this cocoon suggests permanency. This is bad. I look at the cocoon and all I can imagine is that, at some point yesterday afternoon, the spider arrived at the decision to stay. Stay. Right there. Near my bathroom door. For the duration of some undisclosed event, or for purposes that are beyond my understanding.
Actually, I'm not going to lie to you. A few things have already crossed my mind. I can hardly bring myself to write this. But, think about it. Why do creatures set up house?
Yes. I think this is going to get much worse.
I was told to continue to document any changes, as I had already jotted down quite a few notes before the detectives arrived. I now check the spider on an hourly basis. And, as I'm sure you can imagine, this is not a pleasant project. The whole thing is most disturbing.