Dec 16, 2007


I'm about to turn forty.


I'm not really feeling it.

I just edited this, but - the more I write forty the less it means. The more it seems misspelled.


Huh. Nope. Nothing.

Nothing has happened yet.

My left knee does hurt a little when I sit like a geisha for too long.

And (these days) I have what can only be described as more manageable acne.

And each year has brought me a better understanding of my hair-do.

But that's to be expected.

Admittedly, I've weighed less.

Though, to be fair I've weighed more.

I've felt worse than I do right now.

I've been closer to death.

More confused.

Less informed.

More focused.

I've been less responsible.

Now, I'm irresponsible, unfocused and informed.

In the past I've been less restrained, yet more repressed.

As well, less tolerant, and more anxious.

I've known less while I've assumed more.

I've had bigger problems, more money, less savings.

I've learned things, abandoned what I've learned and come back again.

That is, I've known that I was right, then (with time) realized that I was wrong - then (with more time) realized that I was right in the first place.

(and that sort of thing takes at least thirty-five years).


In ten years I may feel differently, but right now I wouldn't want to go back.

Except if I could go back to childhood knowing everything that I know right now. And do it all over again.

And only under those conditions.

Some part of me believes that that's possible.

It must be.

Next time.

As in, next time I turn twenty I won't worry about turning forty.

If only I had known..


  1. I fantasize on a daily basis about going back in time to childhood but with all the knowledge and experience I have now. Kick the shit out of the bully, blackmail my brother, save my Dad from himself and his gluttony demon, teach my Mom how to stress-free cook and out snark my snarky-arse sister.

    Really, I just want my fourth grade wardrobe.

    So when's your Birthday? Mine is on New Years' Day. I'll be 36, I'm currently mapping out wrinkles and assessing moisturizers.

    When ever and however it goes, I wish you a SuperAwesome 40th.

  2. We're both Capricorns?

    (I'm December 22)

    When my dad died I found some of my school clothes from the third grade.

    School dresses and bellbottom outfits (hysterical!)
    I took them home. They're hanging in my utility closet (mocking me - what am I going to do with these little outfits.. and they're better quality then anything I wear today - what the hell?).

    36 is a great place to be.. Happy birthday, Lyvvie!

  3. Hope you had a wonderful birthday yesterday! The 22nd is my Dad's birthday too.

    Happy Cappies are we Three!

    Have a super Holiday, *HUG*