Hi. I don't think we've met. I'm a scoop of peppermint ice cream. You've probably seen me. I live at the ice cream parlor down the street. You know the one--it stays open pretty late and has those little white tables and chairs--ring a bell? Yeah, that's where I've been staying. I've seen what goes on. That whole thing with the sprinkles last year? All true. The petty back stabbing between regular, waffle and sugar cones? Yep, also true. Every word.
Me? I have all day. I'm in no hurry. How would I describe myself? Well, I am neither pink nor green. I am rather cream colored with real flecks of crushed peppermint candy, actually. This sets me apart from my many imitators, of course. I can be mixed with chocolate, mocha, tea and fruit sorbets--even citrus ices. I know! It's fascinating, isn't it? However, I do not tolerate peanut butter, pumpkin-spice or caramel flavors very well. Let me tell you all about it. Wait. Hold on--I've got another call.
I'm back. Anyway, I am peppermint ice cream. Not mint ice cream. There is a difference. I am, as well, uniquely suited for winter consumption unlike 99% of the other flavors. I know, I know, 'how weird' (cough! humble-brag). When people bring this up I glom on to it. Yes! Let's talk about the irony of my being peppermint flavored! No, I don't mind talking about it again. I never mind talking about it again. Hm? Why are all the other flavors leaving? Hey! I'm peppermint ice cream, what's the problem? Of course I talk about myself all day, I'm interesting, duh!