Feb 23, 2008

who is protecting our forty-somethings?

AOL. That's who.

I just read, What Not To Wear Over Forty!

This article, complete with No-No's, reminded me of the experience I had recently of sorting through hundreds of pieces clothing.

This was at work. These were prop clothes. Things worn once by models of every age.

The closet that was built for these clothes was getting a little cramped.

So, my boss asked me to prepare half of the clothes for charity.

I spent about a week sorting through everything.

As I organized what we were keeping, there were many instances where I couldn't determine whether an item was meant for a woman or a child.

Which is funny. I recall the distinct difference between my clothes and my mother's clothes when I was twelve years old.

So, I'm sure some of the prop clothes got put back in the wrong place.

Because women, tweens, and their younger sisters are all now dressing in a similar fashion.

From the world of design (that world which dictates what is available in the stores) I imagine a collective, resounding, almost snickering, who cares!

Well, AOL cares.

Deeply. About forty-somethings.


What Not To Wear Under Eighteen!

Complete with No-No's (a term better reserved for those under eighteen, anyway) is something I have yet to see on AOL.

AOL? I wonder, aren't the implications of a teenager dressing too old for her age at least as serious as, say, those of a woman in her forties dressing too young for her age?

Isn't one actually dangerous, while the other merely embarrassing (at least in your estimation)?

PS: belly-shirts looked bad on everyone.

While they were in style (were, AOL, were - they've been out of style for some time now) I kept having to invent new ways to cover my midriff.

I was in good shape. I just didn't find it attractive.

I wonder, exactly what age group were belly-shirts intended for, anyway?

Twenty-somethings hated them. Thirty-somethings hated them.

Oh, that's right. Belly-shirts looked good on teen-aged girls.

But, that can't be right.

I mean, no one wanted teen-aged girls to wear revealing clothes, did they?

Certainly no one at AOL wanted teen-aged girls to wear revealing clothes.

Because that would be a No-No, wouldn't it?

I'm sure your cracker-jack team of fashion editors remembers how wearing three shirts at a time became a style as a result (of every woman everywhere trying desperately to cover her midriff).

Victims of fashion? Definitely. Because a long shirt could not be found anywhere.

Yes, I am forty. Interesting you should ask.

No, I haven't changed the way I dress.

I know that worries you, AOL.

And if you're reading this, you might feel compelled to publish more articles in order to build awareness (vulnerable as forty-somethings can be in this modern world).

And it's timely (because, seriously, who is protecting our forty-somethings other than AOL?)

But, you see, I don't need to adjust anything. As it happens, I'm still a grown woman. And the last time I checked, the clothing that I wear (that no doubt your daughters are wearing) were designed for grown women.

Seriously, AOL, I'm forty. I can do whatever I want.


  1. You are the funniest and most insightful writer I've ever known...or read...or known and read AND had the pleasure of enjoying a smoke with. Seriously. For God's sake. You fucking kill me.

  2. Yahoo is the online personification of due diligence in matters of great importance.

    I'm glad you've recognized them for their massively unappreciated efforts.

  3. But quite obviously, Yahoo takes a much lauded second place to the inestimable and venerable institution that is America On-Line.

    (As you've so precisely noted.)

  4. Here-Hear (I never know which one it is) This is why I hate Bratz dolls which teach young girls to dress like tramps. But no one should tell us, we older more mature types what to wear. I say bring back grunge! Vive le flannel plaid!!