Nov 18, 2006


Holidays. They're all in our heads.

Today, for example. Today is observed as perfect-turkey-sandwich day. And with it all the stress, expectations and controversy of any other holiday.

Case in point. I used to use Miracle Whip.

Don't get mad. Used to. I used to use Miracle Whip. Used to.

I've stopped. And it is due to peer pressure that I've stopped.

It seems that people have very strong feelings when it comes to Miracle Whip.

That is, that Miracle Whip is NOT mayonnaise. And never will be.

In my research (and in no way was it my intention to make this my research, though, rather, it was imposed upon me as a study) I've found that Miracle Whip (being such a point of contention between people, even chefs, even casual sandwich makers, and probably scientists) brings out the very worst in people.

I have been met with nothing short of incredulousness on this topic.

I have also made these (incredulous) people a number of sandwiches in the past. Sandwiches where I employed Miracle whip as a dressing.

And I heard nothing but raves about said sandwiches.

Miracle Whip. What's the big deal?

It started when I was very young. A few sandwiches (actually four) had made it into our kitchen. These were sandwich from the outside. Sandwiches from my grandmother's kitchen. Made from Thanksgiving leftovers.

Made with a little olive on stick (the stick meant to hold the whole thing together, of course, as it was a many tiered sandwich). Made with a tiny bit of horseradich. Made with love.

Made with Miracle Whip.

These sandwiches were intended for the next day. For Friday. Sandwich day.

We hadn't even taken off our coats when these sandwiches were taken out of their parcel (also stuffing, cranberries, potato pancakes, petit-fours, waffles..)

We lacked discipline.

But I didn't care about that. I was wondering why it seemed that this was how a sandwich was supposed to taste (and never did).

I wanted to know why.

Really. The figuring out why something was better than something else. So as to achieve the better result from that point on - a life long habit.

This upset my mother. She didn't want to answer any of my questions.

I know now that this was due to the fact that her family used mayonnaise.

And families that use mayonnaise do not use Miracle Whip. Nor do they, for that matter, ever talk about Miracle Whip.

They behave as though Miracle Whip doesn't exist.

Then my father walked into the room and informed me that it was Miracle Whip.

Miracle Whip was why I liked this sandwich (for once). It was what was missing from every other sandwich I'd ever had, yes, and (he added) no, we would never have Miracle Whip in this house. Ever. Because my mother was against it. End of discussion.

Enjoy your sandwich. Go to bed.

In that order.

This is a true story.

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