who am I, and what have I done with me?

I've only been unemployed for forty-eight hours and already I've forgotten how to spell, cook and bathe.

I need a salad. I need to take a vitamin.

I need to locate my keys and my backpack.

I need to do laundry and go file for unemployment.

And since Monday - I've noticed subtle shifts in my relationships.

Like, today. The way my boyfriend brought the mail up from the vestibule. As though I'm infirm or housebound.

Or, yesterday, they way he offered me toast and a kiss.

What the hell?

And, I should mention that as recently as this morning, I've had cheetos.

(all classic signs and will be analyzed over the course of the next week)

On a more responsible note, I've discovered the top keywords for this blog:

gortex snowpants

knee pain algorithm

my mom only uses an algorithm

stain monsters

how to build a gingerbread house

40 years ago i sold my body

horseradish

raggedy ann sticker

unreasonable fear of clowns

japanese snack cakes

earwax smells like mildew

But, it does. The cafe, I mean. You know, Earwax, the cafe?

Ring a bell?

It's in my neighborhood.

And it has always smelled like mildew at Earwax (even when it was located somewhere else).

That's what I meant.

What did they mean?

That is, why would anyone (other than me) ever type "earwax smells like mildew"?

And why have so many typed it?

Because that phrase is at the very top of the list. And, since we're talking about it, has ALWAYS been at the top of the list.

Unless they, too, the people googling that phrase, mean the cafe. But, I seriously doubt it.

In fact, sometimes, I have to wonder if anyone else even notices that Earwax smells like mildew.

Because, I've brought it up with a few people - and all they do is nod. And start talking about something else.