I'm lovin' it

I'm on a roller coaster.

The roller coaster in my repetitive dream about the old/sad/abandoned carnival.

It's the only recurring theme in my dreams.

And this carnival is smudgy, oily, creaky, dark and scary.

(actually, it's closed down)

Have I posted about this before?

Oh. And it's cold.

And the roller coaster is actually an El train.

Hi.

I'm upset.

I can't remember certain details about my childhood kitchen.

But, when I tape all of these photos together, the result is almost a kitchen.

A skewed, multi-perspective, nearly round image of my childhood kitchen.

Why on earth am I doing this?

I don't know.

I guess I'm feeling sentimental.

Mostly, I love it when I can't remember something. And there are serious gaps in my memory about my childhood kitchen.

It was in a shot gun two-flat that my family lived in for sixty years.

I was six years old when we moved away.

Today, I drew a floor plan of it (finally) thinking this might jog my memory.

In doing so, I relied heavily on the fact that things like door ways, bathtubs, and bed sizes are standard.

But mostly I relied on memory.

Of course, my brain was reluctant to produce such a memory.

My brain - it's always busy or preoccupied.

(or powering down)

I've noticed that when I appeal directly to my psyche, I can side-step my brain's usual excuses.

I just tell my psyche that it's important.

And my psyche believes it.

My psyche!

So dumb. So literal.

It never registers sarcasm (which might explain some problems I've been having lately).

Still, this takes some time.

And today was no different.

My psyche said:

one moment please..

thinking

thinking

thinking

..I poured myself a glass of wine..

thinking

..did the dishes..

thinking

..made some split pea soup..

thinking

thinking

..got a phone call from a friend who said she was in serious trouble..

thinking

thinking

..listened sympathetically as she described to me what she had done..

thinking

thinking

..told her she could trust me..

thinking

thinking

..went into a drawer, get out my other cell phone and called the police..

thinking

thinking

thinking

..checked the mail..

thinking

thinking

..watered the ficus..

thinking

thinking

..went to bed..

Memory accessed
Memory complete

Yep. That's pretty much how it goes.

Update: the photo that I lost a few posts ago was found while looking for another photo (also found). Thank you for your concern..