Something is terribly wrong.
I'm in shock. Something called (I can't even say it) f--- g---- t-- (a word I've never used in my life, or any of my posts) is somehow (seriously, I defy you to find the word t--) mistakenly (or, for that matter, b---) associated with this blog.
I think there was a misunderstanding.
It's all just a terrible mistake.
I'd like to say that there has been a mix up.
I apologize.
Now I'm crying.
Now I'm making a tomato sandwich.
Not good to eat right before bed, but I've had a shock, and I didn't have anything for dinner. I need a sandwich.
I'll be right back..
Yes. I'm glad I ate that sandwich. And, seriously, I'm starving. I think I'll make another.
Update: Ok, I made another sandwich. But then I got an idea. I realized that the part of the day that I hate most (the making of my lunch for the next day) could be over right now if I just put this second sandwich immediately into a baggie, and into the fridge.
So that's what I did.
Sometimes I think I might die from the boredom of the making of future sandwiches. It's just so tedious. But, wow, how great that I made my lunch for the next day and didn't at all suffer from the effects of doing so. Sneaky.
And now I'm having a cigarette. But all I have are fire place matches for some reason, which is ridiculous, and kind of kills the whole convienence of smoking.
I'm smoking anyway. Just to be clear. Despite the yard long match. I would die of laughter if someone (out of nowhere, totally unexpected) lit my cigarette with this kind of match at a party, or out somewhere. That would deffinitely get my attention.
LOL...
ReplyDeleteI wish you could do sex like that...you know, keep the seconds in a baggie until later when you want it again.
Would be real nice.
bamn? too? i think i just revealed that i am preternaturally slow. very sneaky with the sandwich. i'll bet it tastes extra good. or...tasted as the case is probably shaping up to be.
ReplyDeleteThat's so funny I used to laugh at the idea of lighting ciggy's with those long clicky lighters made for long candles or fire places. But the match... too good. I finally found the lighter thing so funny I'd carry it out in my handbag and do exactly what you said. The second someone would pull out the cig I'd thrust my torch in their face. Lacking eyebrows, they didn't usually find it as entertaining as I did.
ReplyDeleteDisclaimer:
ReplyDeleteThe google thing is true. So is the match. As for making my lunch for the next day, I admit it is a chore. But I don't literally *die* from the boredom of making any sandwiches (future or otherwise).
boabhan,
I'm sure there is someone out there who has managed to do just what you described..
blog ho,
Thank you, it tasted ok. Did you mean "two"? Yes, sometimes 2 sandwiches. Amazing. I am thin, yet I eat like an (active, hard working, non-video playing) adult. Boggles the mind..
Winky,
They should make those lighters even longer. It would necessitate the return of the ridiculously long cigarette holder. Which would necessitate more *personal* space. Larger rooms.
Winky,
ReplyDeletePlease let me know when you will be in town. It will be great to see you..
fucking A! Maybe it's your goddamn comments that are making you Google's bitch...
ReplyDeleteUmmmm…..
ReplyDeleteSandwiches.
Rock on!
aughra,
ReplyDeleteIt absolutely is the comments..
rex,
Yes. Don't miss my next post, tentively titled:
"I dust and dust and dust and still there's dust"
talk about ROCKIN.
Sounds like you are more like yourself! Cute post...
ReplyDeleteI hate making the lunches for tomorrow...especially since none of them are for me! they never come home and say "Damn, that was fine sandwich you made, thanks!"
ReplyDeleteI don't think sex should be refridgerated for later use. It strikes me as something that has an extremely short shelf life and is best when completely fresh. Have while you can, never save it for later.
Have you been cutting back on your cigarettes like you talked about in previous posts?
I still want one. And a tomato sarnie.
"Sometimes I think I might die from the boredom of the making of future sandwiches. It's just so tedious."
ReplyDeleteFantastic. You said a mouthful.
By the way, I always wanted to find a way to be original when lighting cigarettes. I used to carry around a magnifying glass. Took too long and it had to be in the day. The gal would just get bored and walk away, and then I would get sad and burn ants. It helped a little.
ReplyDeleteThe fireplace match thing sound like a good one though.
I used to LOVE those crazy long matches when I was a kid. All those different colored tips that you can arrange and rearrange and hold in your hands like a bouquet.... I don't like making sandwiches the night before either, but having your sack lunch really gives you a nice sense of pride, like your so efficient, thrifty and organized.
ReplyDeleteKim,
ReplyDeleteI am (finally) more *me* again.
Thank you for noticing..
lyvvie,
Yes. I wish I could save sleep in the fridge for later..
harley,
A mouthful. Indeed. Like the sandwich.
And *ha ha* - the use of a magnifying glass IS original. I would find this charming. I might want to smoke sooner, but wait it out out of
1. Politeness
2. In solidarity - if you are going to take the time to start fire this way (the smoker/smokee)
I should take the time, too..
3. Out of charmed curiosity - *can he do it* kind of thing..
Magnifying glass or stick against other piece of wood/paper. Either way.
margaret louise,
Hi - "..efficient, thrifty, organized" precisely. I am SO proud of these virtues that the making of said sandwich suggests, that I feel downright righteous about it in the end.
Too true..